Hedge Fund Hustle

Hedge funds getting trimmed,
Like 3-point shooters getting rimmed.
Aiming for the net,
Looks more like a prayer than a bet.
Projecting expectations for a loss,
Suits playing a game of ring-toss.
WHO’S A WINNER??
Not you sucker, your prospects for growth are looking dimmer.
Merril getting lynched, Goldman getting sacked,
Rich old white men getting hacked worse than Shaq at the track
Betting on horses ridden by CEOs,
Selling their skills like so many ho’s.
Where is the finish line? Nobody knows.
The market just grows and grows and grows.
At least it’s supposed to,
Like at a wedding having the sky blue.
But when it rains, it pours, and now the S&P is in the gutter,
Forcing the money manager to put down his putter.
‘Cause he ain’t shooting par, isn’t smoking a fat cigar.
Instead, he’s answering questions,
Clients sputtering and making suggestions,
That someone’s head had better role,
Before we’re out collecting the dole.
Saying ‘something had better change’
And ‘these hedge funds are rather deranged’.
A return to old-school values,
Where clients and managers choose
Companies that win and don’t lose
In the long-term game.
Not in it for the fame,
Just trying to build a name for respectability in perpetuity.
The best showcase for my ability to generate profitability is a fund with one purpose: Sustainability.